It was going to be a productive Friday. And... I guess it was. Ish.
It started off ok. I had explained to the children (approximately 1 zillion times) that it would be boring and I'm sorry, but I need you to sit patiently please and I'll go as fast as I can. Even bribed them with suckers afterward if they were good. There were books to read in a basket there, and I'd brought them some cars. That entertained them for a little while while we waited, but once I went up to the counter to actually do my thing, all bets were off. We had this lady who, although kind, didn't know how to apply for SSNs for internationally adopted children, and had to call some other lady to come and help her. Not to mention she apparently had some kind of condition where she had to speak in a near-whisper so I had to practically stick my head inside her window to hear her, and it was a handicap accessible window so the counter where I had my papers all laid out was about as high as my kneecaps. I'd filled out the appropriate forms, but apparently it's easier just to whisper the questions all over again. Meanwhile my kids were getting tired of "sitting patiently." So now Raya decided to pick up all the Social Security fliers they'd placed on the chairs, and bring them to me one by one, crumpled up just a bit for interest's sake. They're so boring otherwise, you know. Isaac made a few into paper airplanes, and Eli was trying to recruit some other guy sitting there to help him with his. I told them not to throw them. I tried to convince them that they could hold them in their hands, and sit there and pretend to fly them without throwing them. Well, you can guess how long that lasted. Then I had to confiscate the airplanes. Eli then had to pee. Of course. He's dancing and clutching his man parts frantically and begging to go potty. (It's always an emergency with that one!) So Isaac takes him to the bathroom, which was within sight, just across the room. He pees, but can't reach the sink so doesn't wash his hands, and then they come back out. He sits for a few more minutes, and plays with something or other, tries to engage the other SS-office goers in some sort of mischief, tries to go help out the security guard (who shooed him away at the beginning, but by now was just handing him back the stray airplanes-- never cracking a smile) and then decides he needs to pee again. Before I can stop them (she was probably asking me another question. Or maybe Raya was wandering into the next room. Or maybe this is where I was texting John "will someone please shoot me?" Just kidding. That was afterwards. No phones allowed, you know. Also, no firearms.) they march back to the bathroom, which is where I retrieved them when I was mercifully finished. (Yes, I just traipsed right into the men's room. I'm bold like that I guess.) Where I find Eli up to his elbows in urinal water (barf!) and Isaac just watching him, unconcerned. Since I'm loaded down like a pack mule at this point with 1 squirming Raya, 1 diaper bag, 1 purse, and 2 folders of important and irreplaceable documents, I glare at him, muttering under my breath, grab his arm and drag him out, nasty dripping hands and all, and march him out to the car where I bathe him in hand sanitizer and try not to think about how in approximately 2 minutes he'll be sucking on his fingers again.
And just like that. We'll have SSNs in 7-10 days.
Piece of cake.
So then it's on to the doctor's office, where Raya had her first plastic surgery. (Ok, not really. She had little nubs on the sides of her pinkies... like little tiny spare fingers. We were getting them taken off lest she be relentlessly teased come junior high school.) Which she loved of course. So while I was holding down for what was apparently ruthless torture (I'm not sure which was worse- the actual procedure, or the fact that we were holding her down), I had the boys set up to play by my desk in the big shared office room. However, instead of playing nicely like civilized humans, the boys were entertaining themselves by scribbling on chairs and clipboards (and sometimes paper), stealing candy bars, running up and down the halls, checking out every exam room (including the one where one of the residents was pumping), and generally being crazy and out of control. (Thankfully, it was almost lunch and most of the patients were gone at that point.)
Eventually, we made it home. I sent them outside and made them run laps. That worked out so well that almost instantly I needed to institute a new rule: You must keep your penis IN your pants. Otherwise they pee on EVERYTHING. Sheesh. Boys.
That was my Friday. I guess I did get some important things done, tho it cost me a few more gray hairs. Hope yours was better!
