In Which I Consider a Career in Public Speaking

Last week the pastor had this great idea that I should speak at church this week in honor of Orphan Sunday.  He wanted my family to come up and share a bit of our experience and why we chose adoption.

So I spoke.  And it went down like this:

I started my speech a week ago.  I revised it approximately sixty-two thousand times over the course of the last 7 days.  By the time I got to church, I was nauseous and lightheaded.  I walked up there when he called me up.  I made it without tripping, passing out, or dropping dead.  I read my speech.  They laughed in the appropriate places, and after church, one lady said "Thank You for Sharing", and another guy said he was "Inspired." 

But here's the thing:  I don't remember giving my speech. 

I have such a ridiculous fear of public speaking that it was practically an out of body experience. My mouth was so dry, my lips were sticking to my teeth. I just stuck with the script (I hope), and my mind has already repressed the whole thing.

But here's the really fun part:  keep in mind that he wanted my whole family to come up.  Amber is here tonight, and John was away for the evening, so it was me and Amber and the kids.  

And let me just interject here that any pastor who thinks it's a good idea for 3 kids under 5 to come up on the stage for some boring rambling clearly does not have 3 kids under 5.   Or at the very least, he does not have a near death experience instigated by stepping the stage, and he can keep his wits about him enough to control the aforementioned Many Small Children for the duration of the boring rambling.

While I am yammering on, trying to act natural while forming actual English sentences and not passing out, Isaac wandered around checking everything out.  He found a snag in the carpet and tried to "enhance" it, using his toe, and wanted Eli to come join him.  Eli was more interested in beheading the flowers, and strumming the guitars, and playing with whatever the heck those things on the floor are that they use for guitar-ing and adjust with their feet.  Raya was perfectly content being held by Amber, probably because, as I heard it afterwards, the boys were highly entertaining.

All this, even AFTER I told them if they stood still and smiled, they would get candy.  

Yes, I totally bribed them with candy.  And obviously, it worked beautifully.  

In the end, I did give them the candy, as I shuttled them off to their respective Sunday School rooms.  Mostly because I was so relieved it was over that I was throwing my own personal celebration, but also because I was still too nauseous to eat it myself.  

But hey, at least that one guy was inspired...